We've come a long way in the last 3 and a half years. We first were able to successfully get pregnant in December 2010. I remember the joy I felt when I saw that little plus sign for the first time. The excitement I had to tell Brian that we were going to have a baby! I remember our first appointment and our first sonogram. Seeing our little gummy bear's heartbeat at 8 weeks and falling in love. Then it happened, I started spotting. I knew that something was wrong. When we went to the doctor for another sonogram, the baby only grew a day since the previous week and had no heartbeat. It is as if the baby held on long enough for us to see him wiggle around and hear the hearbeat.
About a year later, we were pregnant again. This time, we were both cautiously excited. I found out just before going on vacation. Sadly, the miscarriage happened during our vacation. A few months later, we were able to get pregnant a third time. This one also ended around week 6.
We've taken time to grieve each loss. We are truly heartbroken by what could have been and the little lives we lost. We believe that God has a plan. Each loss, while devestating, has brought us closer as a couple. They have helped us reflect on ourselves and what we truly want in life and what we want for our family. They've made me stronger in a way and more determined. We miss our little babies that we've never gotten to meet, but we are hopeful for the future.
We have had almost two years of unexplained infertility since our last loss. Our doctors are not sure what is wrong. Since looking into adoption, we've stopped all fertility treatments. They were doing more harm to my body than good. Plus, I did not like pumping my body full of hormones and dealing with the odd side effects.
Why not IVF?
We decided not to try IVF. We always wanted to adopt. Our pie in the sky plan was to have a biological child and adopt our second child. When we got to the point where our RE was suggesting IVF, we decided it was just time to adopt. Since we always wanted to adopt, we can just adopt baby number 1. Then, we can try to conceive baby number 2. If not, then we can adopt baby number 2 as well. After looking into our hearts, we just want to grow our family and share our love with a child we can call ours. Whether it is through adoption or not, we do not care.
Another reason we did not want to go with IVF is my past miscarriages, we did not want to go through the whole process to only have another miscarriage and heartbreak.
What treatments did you try?
While trying to concieve, we tried many things. We did a few rounds of clomid. The last two times we got pregnant were because of clomid. However, after trying a few rounds to try again, I started to develop painful cysts on my ovaries. So I stopped trying clomid.
Even though my progesterone levels were normal, my RE suggested trying that. 1. The progesterone was ridiculously expensive. 2. The progesterone made me really sick. We stuck it out for almost a year. No luck.
We did find the cause for the miscarriages after the thrid miscarriage. I have a blood mutagen that causes my blood to clot easily. I was to start taking blood thinners if I got pregnant. Sadly, we have not been able to get pregnant since then to see if the blood thinners would help us carry a baby to term.
We pray that if God does bless us again and we do get pregnant, that the blood thinners will work. However, we do not plan to start trying to conceive again until after we adopt and we feel ready for baby number to. In other words, a long long long time from now.
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