We've come a long way in the last 3 and a half years. We first were able to successfully get pregnant in December 2010. I remember the joy I felt when I saw that little plus sign for the first time. The excitement I had to tell Brian that we were going to have a baby! I remember our first appointment and our first sonogram. Seeing our little gummy bear's heartbeat at 8 weeks and falling in love. Then it happened, I started spotting. I knew that something was wrong. When we went to the doctor for another sonogram, the baby only grew a day since the previous week and had no heartbeat. It is as if the baby held on long enough for us to see him wiggle around and hear the hearbeat.
About a year later, we were pregnant again. This time, we were both cautiously excited. I found out just before going on vacation. Sadly, the miscarriage happened during our vacation. A few months later, we were able to get pregnant a third time. This one also ended around week 6.
We've taken time to grieve each loss. We are truly heartbroken by what could have been and the little lives we lost. We believe that God has a plan. Each loss, while devestating, has brought us closer as a couple. They have helped us reflect on ourselves and what we truly want in life and what we want for our family. They've made me stronger in a way and more determined. We miss our little babies that we've never gotten to meet, but we are hopeful for the future.
We have had almost two years of unexplained infertility since our last loss. Our doctors are not sure what is wrong. Since looking into adoption, we've stopped all fertility treatments. They were doing more harm to my body than good. Plus, I did not like pumping my body full of hormones and dealing with the odd side effects.
